she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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