and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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