I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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