I CAN MOONWALK!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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