that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
