did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
