that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
