mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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