I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
