I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You are the jesus of drinking
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
