Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Randomize