you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
