So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
