I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
