could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
