from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
