You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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