just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
