Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
