A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
