Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
