Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
