Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
