Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
vagina is talking i cant
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
