just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
