I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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