remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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