I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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