To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
