he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
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Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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