he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
