the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
zippers are such a cool invention
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
