i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
