I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
