I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize