my vag is so smooth its legendary
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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