umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i believe in u and ur pee
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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