I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Randomize
