Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
