Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
