All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
