I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
