just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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