i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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