i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
