is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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