weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
