dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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