I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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