I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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