The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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