I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize