my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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