The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
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I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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