god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
