a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
