yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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