I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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