You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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