Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
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Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
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Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i think i just lost a toe
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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