I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Holy shit dude........stairs
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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