they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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