I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
