we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
