My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Randomize
