i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
