Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
