Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
