it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
