If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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