so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
