Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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